Inside Amy Schumer Football Town Nights
morning announcer it's monday and that means the big game against galveston is just a few days away.We're praying that new guy, coach thompson, is getting our bronconeers ready for combat.You the new football coach down at the high school yes, sir.Coach thompson.This is my wife, amy.Hey, y'all.Coach crawford was like family.You got some big shoes to fill.We sure love our football around here, more than anything.My wife baked you up a pecan crumb.Bronconeers.Ain't it good to be the coach.
Wine splashing woo! she could get it all night night, night, night, night, night, night she could get it radio switches off now, i'm not sure what you heard about me, but i do things a little different than y'all are used to here in stewford heights.This season, we're gonna be the first team in the county to run a nohuddle offense.You don't like that you can just look at my 142 record northeast last year.Second, we do twoadays every day.Mmhmm.
And third, now, i just need you go to with me on this one.Marker screeching boy no raping but coach, we play football.My team, my rules.You don't like it, don't let the door rape you on the way out.Clipboard slamming on floor can we rape at away games what if it's halloween and she's dressed like a sexy cat what if she thinks it's rape coach thompson still no.What about, like, a sexy ladybug mm.Disappointed sighing a ghost what about a sexy owl bell ringing.
Sexy transformer what if my mom is the d.A.And won't prosecute can i rape no, you cannot.Disappointed sighing what if she's drunk and has a slight reputation and no one's gonna believe her okay.The girl said yes to me the other day, but it was about something else.No.What if the girl said yes but then she changes her mind out of nowhere, like a crazy person.You gotta stop.No, you gotta stop! boys whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! hey! hey! boy where did that come from.
Woman hey.You're that new coach who don't like raping.Woman 2 how are our boys supposed to celebrate when they win or blow off steam if they lose hocking a loogie, spitting that's not very neighborly, ladies.These folks, that's just their way, okay you can't bring a wet mule around a hot corn oven.Right how about just backing off this whole no raping thing for now we've been through this a million ti i know we've been through it and i know we have a daughter, okay i know that and i love her, but i am so tired.
I don't know why, but i am, you know sighing knocking on door hey, coach, um.Can i come in sure.Uh, i'm sorry to bother you at home, coach, but you're the closest thing i ever had to a dad and i just wanna, you know, ask.Go ahead, son.But, like, what if someone else is raping her, right, and i'm just, like, filming it on my phone no, no, it's still a no.You're just as guilty, but you already knew that, right laughing splashing sports announcer the bronconeers are taking a beating out there.
Oh, we got a hard hit on cunningham and he is down.It's pretty severe.Just give it to me straight, doc.Will my boy ever rape again afraid not.It's okay.It's okay.It's okay.Sports announcer bronconeers are really feeling cunningham's loss.They're down 15 points.Whistle blowing we should not be losing this game.Dugan, what the hell were you thinking out there on that last play, son i was i was thinking about raping.God damn it.Crashing, rattling how do i get through to you boys that football isn't about rape.
Key Peele McCringleberrys Excessive Celebration
and we're coming to the end of the first quarter with the rhinos in the red zone for the first time.Gotta say, bill, i like watching these rhinos.Ransom takes the snap, drops back with good protection, and that's a completed pass to a very wideopen hingle mccringleberry, the rookie out of penn state.Nice grab by mccringleberry.You think he's happy oh, boy, he is loving it down there.Oh, we got something of a shooting gallery going on.Yeah, look at that.Boy, that is something, and.
Oh, wait, we've got a flag there.Is that for excessive celebration oh, see, i'm not sure about that call.I don't know, bill.That was three pumps, and the rulebook says you cannot have more than two.Oh, my gosh, but look at the kid.He's pleading his case with the ref.Pleading his case.Yeah, clearly three pumps.Coach johnson definitely not happy about this call.Two pumps! five minutes into the fourth quarter, third and ten, the rhinos again threatening to score.
Can the cougars hold them big play coming here, bill.Ransom takes the snap, drops back, he floats one into the end zone, and mccringleberry pulls it down.He's got it.Oh, my gosh.For his second touchdown of the day for this rookie, he has gotta be feeling great about himself.Nicely done.I'll tell you, man, he's oh, oh, see, now there's two pumps.Yeah, he's really testing the boundaries, and he's clearly gotten the ref's attention here.A third pump will draw a flag no matter what.
blows whistle seeoh, he just did it again.Now what is that, the second time now you have to flag him on this.Yeah, he had to.You know, bill, it's just frustrating seeing young players without the ability to restrain themselves.No, it really is.It's hard.I mean, the ref's gonna get you every time.Yeah.Yeah, absolutely.See, now the ref agrees that's three pumps right there.And the quarterback ransom under center.Last five minutes of the game.The rhinos are marching here again.
hard to stop this team from scoring, bill.They have so many weapons.Ransom takes the snap.And it's a shovel pass to mccringleberry, who he's at the 10.He's at the 5.And touchdown, rhinos.Oh, my.Great block by hardunkichud, and that's gonna be tough for the cougars to come back from.Boy, what a career day from hingle mccringleberry, the rookie out of penn state.Oh, he was just amazingly fired up here today, jim.You gotta love the way this guy plays,.
And he both ohh.See, now there's one pump.Uhoh.I cannot believe this kid.You got to put your team first in situations like this, and mckringleberry's just not doing that.Now there's two.Jeff, now if he pumps a third time, he will draw his third penalty for today.Everybody here waiting with bated breath.He did it.Oh, did he yes, he did it.Oh.That's just couldn't help himself.That's just amazing.I mean, come on, in professional football.
it's a shame.That's what it is.Yes, yes, it is.You can argue all you want, but the flag, well, it's been thrown.That's right.If it's three pumps, the ref's not gonna take it away now.No, he's not.Duration and intensity doesn't make any difference.Well, jeff, let's have a look at the replay here to see if indeed he did do the three pumps.All right.No question.There is the first one, right yeah.Agreed.And then coming up.
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